Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Its about making memories worth repressing
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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