First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
