he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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