thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
