So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
