I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
