gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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