I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Randomize
