Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
