i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
