Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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