How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
