Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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