So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
