he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
