Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
