have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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