Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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