Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
