you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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