Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
