Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Church boner. Awkwardddd
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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