he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
