she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
