everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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