She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
