You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
