he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
