This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
