I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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