Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i drank out of a bidet.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
