Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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