Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
