we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
