Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
