Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
