She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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