Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
