Michael Bay diarrhea
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
