im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
wow bdsm is so cute
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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