Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
