If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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