So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
