Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
