I faked an abortion last night.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
