Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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