i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
They have beer where we have blood.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize