Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
