Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize