she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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