he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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