rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
