I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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