Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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