you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
