closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
