What a fucking waste of an outfit
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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