this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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