How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
