plz talk dirty to me
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
