Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
