considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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