why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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