I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so that wasnt chicken after all
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize