So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
