Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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