the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
